Philip's Notes to Staff and Parents

Preschoolers' "Misbehavior"

   "Misbehavior" is an adult term for children's behavior when the adult doesn't want them to do whatever it is they are doing.

    Your children want two things: first, they want to please their parents, those people whom they love more than anything in the world; second, they want to do what they want to do when they want to do it!  These two things tend to conflict often during their earliest years.

     With young children, we recommend that parents give up the term "misbehavior."  There is just "behavior." Some "works" and some "doesn't work."  None is "bad" or "wrong."

     When speaking about behaviors of young children in their most formative years, we train our staff never to refer to any behavior as anything other than a behavior "that works" or that "doesn't work."  The child is always "great", even in the middle of a behavior that doesn't work!

     The purpose of this way of interacting with children is to promote and nurture their developing self-esteem and to prevent them from confusing two different domains in their listening: the domain of "self", who I am, and the domain of "behavior," what I am doing at the moment.  Children do not make powerful distinctions!  It is useful if we help them know they are always great, even if their behavior needs attention.

     How we speak to children, the tone and manner, and the words we use, all make a difference.  In a word, we recommend parents have respectful interactions with children especially at times when their behavior isn't working.  Children haven't learned to command respect so you must give it to them as a gift.  Model it for them.  They will learn it and give it back to you and everyone else in time!